OK, confession It is the third draft. So much but so little has happened I am not sure where to start. I did make it back to Boise for a weekend. The arrival, to the departure felt surreal with a dabble of butterflies. I returned back to LA viewing it in two chunks. Thank you dear friends for the hospitality and energy. I departed early Tuesday morning with a few hours rest and an empty stomach. Really. I recounted the day prior searching for for the registered meals in the day and found nothing but a Turkey sandwich purchased from Hugo's Deli. I was fucking empty. A quick Taxi, 12oz of Ginger ale, and 6 episodes of Entourage later I was in LA.For a seemingly brief afternoon. Which did promptly follow. Gym, dinner, and sleep. I next awoke to the freshest Wednesday I have ever felt. It was 4:18 pm exactly when I came to. I use that phrase only because its how I felt. I woke up from a deep sleep. With a clean slate to be stained. The pains, the worry, the self indulgence felt at ease, more so fed. In the 24+ hours of hibernation and the re-wire of hard wired mind frames I somehow emerged ready and rejuvenated to take whats next. It worked. Boise fucking worked. A weekend I planed for the much needed refocus into my present, worked. I guess the smile strikes my face for the personal benefit. I got what I wanted from my visit. LA seems to be coming around. The weeks have a swift pace to them its all a matter of time. I feel as if I repeat that notion over and over to my self. In due time all will come, all will happen. Its fun to face aspirations greater than yourself, to see how you can actualize your reality. I am one individual with vibrational frequencies to mach my desires. That wait, the uncontrolled frame of time is an aspect dreaded at times and famished at others. All in all I want success not so much monetarily or fame, more so for the accomplishment. To know your worthy to know your OK. Every morning is the same for us. We all place our feet on some sort of surface when we wake. To remember that, is to ground yourself in your capabilities. As time wiggles through your grip all to do is sift what you can from it and look to the ever developing future for more. Like a hungry stomach awaiting dinner. Its about filling your plate and taking some to-go. I have created something new in myself in the past weeks. I don't feel fear towards failure, I guess it can be summed up as respect. I am grounded in my life by the ability to make good and do good in the chaos that surrounds. The thought of starting a life for myself that I could have the chance to do good for others close to me is a driving factor. This is not a dream but a soon reality. Letting go is by no means easy but with a little fuel to the fire even the tightest grip will release. My experience in my return to Boise was the perfect source. I am calmed by the fact that my energy and focus is steadily shifting to my location and into my reality. The days will soon be filled. My shoulders feel strong and ready for demand and abuse. I have always been one to view my surroundings no matter what my be as an audience. This is so coming into play as I have started an acting course. The class is very refreshing. Its great to be around people let alone talking with them. I am such a vibrant individual that feeds off of interaction I am not surprised by the release this class has been for me. A big reminder to the life I have led and the need to perform and the need to be something other than Gregory. My whole life I have been so many different people and it all seems to have been culminating for a reason and a release. In the brief time thus far I have had the opportunity to participate rather than observe in class I have felt alive. Not necessarily the feeling you get from a rollercoaster or feeling your own freshly pressed drivers license for the first time. The retreat of pressure in your forehead and the pains in your body from a hangover. That was what I felt. That sudden recognition that your alright and you will live. I sat in a chair repeating line after line in an exercise and trying very hard to hide the smile building on my face and not to explode from the joy in my gut. Most of my life I have hidden my interest in acting and cinema from those closest to me. I guess the tickle I get is from my patience and steadfast ability to never put out a situation. Trust me this has bit me in the ass a few times. We can all be what we wish. Doctors do not become Doctors in a week. I know one thing is for sure and that is We all become something new each day. I am not sure how to describe the motivation to find inspiration, but it resides in all of us. Each day is another awaiting the next. If there is one thing I miss the most from Boise, it would be the countless heart to hearts. For all the times I have opened up with people willing to be open with me. Its a love for understanding I long for each day. I raise my half empty PBR to the wonderful stories, smiles, and laughs I have shared with so many people. I apologize to the people I randomly bull shitted with a tall tail and they either believed it to be true or still to this day believe it. All I know is the Love of Life is more powerful than you and I. Like a rose with no thorns life is nothing without a struggle. Lets stick together instead of making it competition. Be what you wish you make me nothing but the definition of proud.
Nick Drake - One Of These Things -
I could have been a sailor, could have been a cook
A real live lover, could have been a book.
I could have been a signpost, could have been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock.
I could be
Here and now
I would be, I should be
But how?
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.
I could have been your pillar, could have been your door
I could have stayed beside you, could have stayed for more.
Could have been your statue, could have been your friend,
A whole long lifetime could have been the end.
I could be yours so true
I would be, I should be through and through
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been One of these things first.
I could have been a whistle, could have been a flute
A real live giver, could have been a boot.
I could have been a signpost, could have been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock.
I could be even here
I would be, I should be so near
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.
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